Senior Thoughts

So it's my last semester of college. And I'm supposed to write a column about my feelings on the issue. The problem is...

I don't know what to write.

It's hard to sum up all your feelings about certain topics in a few paragraphs. Yet I think, at the same time, devoting a book to what I'm feeling right now may be a little ambitious. So maybe I'll proceed in the most logical fashion I can based on my current state of mind.


Excitement

You had to know this was coming. Because, honestly, how could I not be excited? I'm GRADUATING! Did you hear me? GRA - DU - AT - ING! Okay, so maybe that was a little over the top. But think about it: my hard work for the past four years is about to culminate in one single ceremony in a few months -- that's exciting!

And if that weren't enough, I'm going to officially join the ranks of these mysterious "adults." The people we've (we can probably be best summed up as me and my siblings and close friends) lived with and relied on for so long. Every day has brought us progressively closer to this transcendence. It's only a matter of time before I throw off the title of full-time student, and evolve into an "adults."

Lastly under excitement, after studying journalism and writing (and the liberal arts) for four years, I'm finally going to be able to devote all of that studying and learning to a full-time job. And guess what -- I'll be paid to do so! It doesn't get much better than that, I'd say.


Anxiety

I almost titled this section as "fear." But I realized that deaming this emotion as such would be innaccurate. Or imprecise, rather.

So, yes, anxiety. I'm not suffering from depression, and I do live a fulfilling life. But at the same time, I'm about to move into a new stage of life. And while I can't wait to become self-dependent, it's a little nerve-wracking. I've always had someone to rely on -- my parents, my teachers, my parents, my grandparents ... my parents. And while my parents won't be going away or forgetting about me, I plan on moving out of state. I can't yell down the stairs to my mom if I need something washed and don't have time to do it myself. My dad won't be right there, ready to spend some time with me over coffee, sharing his wisdom with me so I can have an easier time living. And, honestly, while my mind can grasp that concept, just writing about it right now is emotionally taxing -- it really hurts.

And then there's the question of whether or not I'll actually land a job when I graduate. The economy isn't looking like it wants to do me any favors, and while I'm excited that the president has big plans, I'm not sure non-capitalistic ideals will necessarily help me. Also: will I be able to pay rent? Buy food? Afford clothes when necessary? Have insurance?

Lots of questions and uncertainty.


Perspective

Aside from everything else -- the goods and the bads -- I think perspective is key. Because if you don't have perspective, you open up the potential of letting any of the previously mentioned variables take over your mind.

So here's my perspective:

Excitement -- Sure I'm excited to graduate -- and that's not going to change -- but I could never forgive myself if I let the experiences that are still left for me this last semester to slip by because I was too busy looking forward to graduating.

Anxiety -- Sure it'll be hard, but would life be fulfilling if it wasn't? I can truly say that I'm the type of person that thrives on challenge. I want it to be hard for me -- because that's what keeps life interesting. Also, my parents will always be there for me -- and I'll always be there for them. And wouldn't it be the bigger tragedy if I never left home and became dependent on myself (because that's what parents do: raise their kids so they can become adults).

And ultimately, with my faith and trust in God, there's no way I can go wrong. As long as I'm in his will, I don't have to worry about "screwing up." Or making bad decisions.


And maybe, just maybe, this is an outlook that should encompass our entire lives -- not just college.

Because afterall, I hope this won't be the last time I'm excited for change. I know it won't be the last time I'm anxious about something. And perspective (and God) may just be quintessential to leading a balanced life.

Graduation, here I come!

Thoughts ... Or Lack Thereof.

I need to write a column, and I don't know what to say.

Rather, I know just what I want to say -- I just don't know how. I find it to be frustrating (this writer's block, that is).

I mean, I'm sure sleep is a good helper, because a tired brain just hurts my head. But then there's the overactive brain -- this happens when Andrew has had far too much coffee for his own good. The results are often tragic.

So now I've turned to blogging to give my brain a break. Only, now I don't know what to type. And I'm rambling.

So what are some good cures for writer's block? I'd love to hear from you!

Until then, I'll just keep typing away...

The End of Intermission -- Friendships

Well, folks, I'm back (if you can call it that).

I guess I can start by apologizing for not blogging for more than a month now. It's been a crazy semester at school so far! It's my senior year, I'm taking 13 credits (not many, yes, I know!), and I'm the editor of my university's student-run weekly newspaper.

Needless to say, I'm rather busy. But so are you--my readers and friends with whom I want to keep contact.

So here I go. This is the post that has been fermenting in my mind for quite some time:

Friends.

They come, and they go. They make us smile; they make us cry. They make us who we are.

But who are they?

So often in life I've run into the "problem" of wondering who my best friend is. I think--or at least thought--I know who it is, but then, when the scene changes (usually ever-so-slightly), it seems that roles shift--and so does the title of "best friend."

In candid conversation, I'd go to say something like, "Oh, you're my best friend, man!" Or something like that, only to be struck with a pang of stinging guilt as I think about the person who used to hold that titled--and the fact that they've done nothing to lose it.

I've been haunted by this problem on many occasions, only to justify it in my head somehow or manage to forget about it until our next awkward confrontation--confrontation between this problem and myself, that is.

It was a long time ago that I came to the realization that each person can--actually, probably should--have more than just one best friend. Sure it's likely that each person will have one other that they can specifically go to for anything. But in general, most people are prone to spend time with many, rather than just one.

And just recently, I suppose my understanding of this concept has matured, if you will. Not only can someone have more than one best friend, but those best friends don't enter your life only to enter a subliminal competition for your affections. Each friend--whether they be a casual friend, a best friend, or even something more--is there for a specific purpose, and that purpose cannot be met by anyone else. That's what makes friendship special--so crucial and special; something worth fighting for.

I guess this problem came up (in my mind) over this past summer. Because I had it all before this summer. I had my best friends from high school--those people who were able to overcome its awkwardness, its pettiness, all of those things high school is known for. We fought, and sometimes it was brutal, but we came through only to be even better friends. Best friends.

Then there are my college friends. I love them dearly as well. We struggle with classes together; we've grown into adulthood together. It's something that can't be replaced. They're my best friends too.

Then come my fellow newspaper staff members. And this is where my point that friendships come in varying degrees and forms becomes most true. These people can't be put into words, because over the past three years, they've become my family away from my family. They've found a special place in my heart. And I say that because it's the absolute truth. I didn't decide they were this way. They earned it. We work together. We strive and labor and toil. We see failure and success. We struggle and succeed. We're one and yet so many. And it's something I wouldn't give up for the world. I love them.

And then TFAS came into my life. And everything I thought I needed in my previously happy life, almost didn't seem so essential anymore. I don't say that to actually imply that my old friends or family aren't important, it's just one of those things. The friends I made became another set of best friend, another family in addition to those I already have. I miss them, but I can't wait to see them again, because I know I will. We're all journalists, and we're all interested in politics. That's a dangerous combination.

In summation, I'd have to say that I'm blessed to have the friends I do. I know it's not a competition and that I don't need to worry if one means more to me that another because ultimately, that's not what friendship is about. The fact is this: they all mean differently to me. I know that sounds odd, maybe awkward, but it's the best way I can put it into English.

Each of my friends makes me who I am--and keeps me that way or changes me for the better. That's what a true friend does. And while sometimes it may be hard wondering which is my best friend, I don't think it's something I need to worry about anymore, because, like I said, it's not a competition.

And in the end, it's (having too many best friends) a problem I prefer to have any day.