Saturday, January 24, 2009

Senior Thoughts

So it's my last semester of college. And I'm supposed to write a column about my feelings on the issue. The problem is...

I don't know what to write.

It's hard to sum up all your feelings about certain topics in a few paragraphs. Yet I think, at the same time, devoting a book to what I'm feeling right now may be a little ambitious. So maybe I'll proceed in the most logical fashion I can based on my current state of mind.


Excitement

You had to know this was coming. Because, honestly, how could I not be excited? I'm GRADUATING! Did you hear me? GRA - DU - AT - ING! Okay, so maybe that was a little over the top. But think about it: my hard work for the past four years is about to culminate in one single ceremony in a few months -- that's exciting!

And if that weren't enough, I'm going to officially join the ranks of these mysterious "adults." The people we've (we can probably be best summed up as me and my siblings and close friends) lived with and relied on for so long. Every day has brought us progressively closer to this transcendence. It's only a matter of time before I throw off the title of full-time student, and evolve into an "adults."

Lastly under excitement, after studying journalism and writing (and the liberal arts) for four years, I'm finally going to be able to devote all of that studying and learning to a full-time job. And guess what -- I'll be paid to do so! It doesn't get much better than that, I'd say.


Anxiety

I almost titled this section as "fear." But I realized that deaming this emotion as such would be innaccurate. Or imprecise, rather.

So, yes, anxiety. I'm not suffering from depression, and I do live a fulfilling life. But at the same time, I'm about to move into a new stage of life. And while I can't wait to become self-dependent, it's a little nerve-wracking. I've always had someone to rely on -- my parents, my teachers, my parents, my grandparents ... my parents. And while my parents won't be going away or forgetting about me, I plan on moving out of state. I can't yell down the stairs to my mom if I need something washed and don't have time to do it myself. My dad won't be right there, ready to spend some time with me over coffee, sharing his wisdom with me so I can have an easier time living. And, honestly, while my mind can grasp that concept, just writing about it right now is emotionally taxing -- it really hurts.

And then there's the question of whether or not I'll actually land a job when I graduate. The economy isn't looking like it wants to do me any favors, and while I'm excited that the president has big plans, I'm not sure non-capitalistic ideals will necessarily help me. Also: will I be able to pay rent? Buy food? Afford clothes when necessary? Have insurance?

Lots of questions and uncertainty.


Perspective

Aside from everything else -- the goods and the bads -- I think perspective is key. Because if you don't have perspective, you open up the potential of letting any of the previously mentioned variables take over your mind.

So here's my perspective:

Excitement -- Sure I'm excited to graduate -- and that's not going to change -- but I could never forgive myself if I let the experiences that are still left for me this last semester to slip by because I was too busy looking forward to graduating.

Anxiety -- Sure it'll be hard, but would life be fulfilling if it wasn't? I can truly say that I'm the type of person that thrives on challenge. I want it to be hard for me -- because that's what keeps life interesting. Also, my parents will always be there for me -- and I'll always be there for them. And wouldn't it be the bigger tragedy if I never left home and became dependent on myself (because that's what parents do: raise their kids so they can become adults).

And ultimately, with my faith and trust in God, there's no way I can go wrong. As long as I'm in his will, I don't have to worry about "screwing up." Or making bad decisions.


And maybe, just maybe, this is an outlook that should encompass our entire lives -- not just college.

Because afterall, I hope this won't be the last time I'm excited for change. I know it won't be the last time I'm anxious about something. And perspective (and God) may just be quintessential to leading a balanced life.

Graduation, here I come!

3 comments:

Andrew said...

You said exactly how I feel right now! GRA-DU-A-TION!lol, classy

T...Mel said...

I'm so proud of you and I still can't believe you're older than me! Lol jk, but remember what I told you hun, Carpe Diem, and your life will be full of what YOU want it to be. congrats babe.

Alex Byer said...

your writing brings tears to my eyes. it reminds me why we're such good friends. i miss you oh, so much,